happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
