you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize