O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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