He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize