oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your dad touched me again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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