I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
