Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
