I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
my liver is dry heaving
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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