he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
