he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
