i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
