y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
