i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont even know how to be here
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize