Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
