I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
