At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Buhtt sex?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
