Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
