Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
