I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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