update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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