The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
