I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
