So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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