I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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