I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize