i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
