Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
