Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
