come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
