After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you had me at cake vodka
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
