whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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