How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
