Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
