no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
