I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
