Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
