If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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