just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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