o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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