Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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