You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
