Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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