dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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