arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
