based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize