At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
50% drunk capacity currently
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
