shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
