im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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