I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
