I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
