You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
