we're blogging at a bar
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
