I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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