oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
