Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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