just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
