I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize