Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize