Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to sanitize my soul.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
