vagina is talking i cant
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
