Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
