I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You don't make any sense
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