dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just cropdusted the office
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize