for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
