dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
