My first STD was from a foam party
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
