Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize