I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
