chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
