Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
