We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
