remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
