a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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