I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
