So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
