They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Your tits are I can't wait for
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
