i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
