I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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