Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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