is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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