Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
