remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
