I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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