my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
