Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
