I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
