You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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