Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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