3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i came on her dog
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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