you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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