I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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