Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
