if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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