I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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