So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
