Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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