i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
