The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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