you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
