So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
