If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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