he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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