you guys were way drunker than both of me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
