Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
