I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
