you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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