i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
