dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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