just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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