the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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