she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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