After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
