my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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