Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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